I was tagged in a recent post by Jeremiah Peschka asking how we use SQL Server. Jeremiah has uttered that words that compel me to reveal my true identity, despite the great risk I take in doing so. Fear not, for the true consciousness of the one who identifies himself as Tim Benninghoff is safe, and, due to his cooperative nature, has been granted access to our vast Yithian libraries to occupy his time while I borrow his body.
This SQL Server, as far as I have been able to discover, is a data manipulation system of great power, but fraught with great danger for the uninitiated. In the current organizational construct to which I have attached this
Tim form in order to learn more about this SQL Server, I have found that it is primarily used as the platform by which
Independent Software Vendors, under the ruse of providing something
called 'solutions', unleash their torment upon the guardians of
information of humanity, which your age has called DBAs. Some of these 'ISVs' do seem to have in their possession a true, complete, unaltered copy of the manuscript known as Books Online, and access to the further writings of SQL Server's technological priesthood, known as MVPs, but I find that the vast majority of these ISVs seem to have based their machinations on apocryphal, if not outright heretical, knowledge compilations of SQL Server. In a query to the Tim consciousness, he suggests that ignorance drives their decisions. From the discomfort and distractions they inflict upon me in this Tim form, I am forced to disagree with him and attribute their actions to malice of the darkest and most sinister nature. Perhaps DBAs will one day unlock the secrets of time, and be able to transport their consciousness in order to escape the ISVs, much as we have done to escape our destruction at the hands of the flying polyps.
Another thought framework, which I have heard referred to as the Frame of the Main, seems to perform most of the data support for this organizational construct, also referred to as a company by the other humans amongst whom I walk. However, I have noticed that a transition of certain functions away from the Frame of the Main to SQL Server seems to be under way. This transition has been a difficult one, as former practitioners of the COBOL pictograms move their domain knowledge into the much revered relational storage archetype of SQL Server. Of note, an electronic library exists, referred to by the humans here as the Data Warehouse, that collects information from this Frame of the Main and transfers it to the Data Warehouse. The curious and remarkable thing is that the SQL Agent is the primary mechanism by which this data movement, known as ETL, is performed. These SQL practitioners have found ways to apply the power of the SQL Agent that I had not thought possible!
As if the onslaught of the SQL Server ISVs were not enough, a great ravening beast, fearfully referred to as The Oracle, appears to be hatching some arcane and nefarious plan to increase its dominion over the company, employing its own ISVs to champion its cause. The Oracle's plan seems to be working, as even now this Tim form is being instructed to assist in transporting data to the systems in The Oracle's web of influence.
All is not gloom for me in this Tim form, as we have begun the installation of the latest universal understanding, SQL Server 2008, and have nearly retired all instances of the reliable, but ancient in the information techology timeframe, SQL Server 2000. I look for ways to employ some of its new features such as PowerShell support, Central Management Server, Policy Based Management, and Management Data Warehouse to the greater glory of the company.
It is time that I continue this meme, and so I call upon the entities known as Allen Kinsel and KenDrah to answer the question, How do YOU use SQL Server? I instruct you to REVEAL ALL!
Hey man, what the heck are you doing? What is all this....omg. This is how you repay me for being totally cool in the library of Yith? NO! Don't hit publish!